I Knew Babies. I Didn’t Know How to Feed Mine.

My birth experience was great.

Honestly, it was.

I had a C-section. It was uncomplicated. My baby was healthy. I was doing well.

And somehow, in the middle of an operating room, I even got to nurse her.

My anesthesiologist had previously been a labor and delivery nurse, and she helped make it happen.

There I was, still on the operating table, nursing my brand-new baby and thinking:

We did it.

This is going to work.

And then...

She never latched again.

Wait. What Happened?

Once we were back in the hospital room, we tried again.

Nothing.

So we tried another position. And another.

Lactation came in. We moved pillows. Moved the baby. Moved me. Football hold. Cradle hold.

Different angles. Different tricks. Different techniques.

I swear we tried approximately 50 different ways to get this tiny person to do the thing I had been told babies instinctively knew how to do.

Nothing worked.

And I wasn't completely clueless about babies.

I was a pediatric nurse practitioner. I had spent years caring for children. I understood newborns. I understood weight loss and wet

diapers and jaundice and feeding frequency.

I knew all of the clinical things I was supposed to know.

But knowing babies and knowing how to feed my baby turned out to be two very different things.

Eventually, the lactation consultant basically told me she wasn't really sure what else to do.

Start formula.

And then she left.

And I Cried.

This is the part I don't think we talk about enough when we prepare women to have babies.

I wasn't devastated because I had to start formula.

Formula wasn't the problem.

I was devastated because this wasn't what I thought was going to happen.

I had just given birth. My hormones were everywhere. I was recovering from a C-section. I hadn't slept.

And the one thing I thought my body and my baby were just supposed to know how to do wasn't happening.

So yes. I cried.

And meanwhile, my baby still needed to eat.

My girl wouldn’t even suck on a bottle, we had to feed her formula through a syringe.

Day Four: It's Go Time.

By the fourth day in the hospital, I woke up and looked at the breast pump sitting in the room.

I had barely touched it.

I didn't really know how to use it.

No one had sat down and taught me what settings to use. No one had explained flange sizing. I didn't have a pumping plan.

I just knew one thing: It's go time.

If my baby wasn't going to latch, I was going to figure out another way to feed her.

So I figured out the pump at 4 am. In the hospital bathroom by myself with my phone flashlight on because I didn’t want to wake my baby or husband.

On my own.

And I started pumping.

I wish I could tell you that lactation came back that day and helped me create this beautiful pumping plan.

They didn't.

They never came back. And looking back, that's one of the things that stays with me most.

Not because I expected someone else to solve everything for me.

But because I didn't even know what I didn't know yet.

Then I Went Home and Had to Start All Over Again

Eventually, we left the hospital.

Now I was home with a newborn. Recovering from a C-section. Sleep deprived. Hormonal.

My baby still wasn't nursing.

But at least I'd figured out the hospital pump.

Except that wasn't the pump sitting in my house.

Now I had a completely different pump. Different pieces. Different settings. Different everything.

And once again, I had no idea what I was doing.

I remember going into the bathroom.

And crying.

Not the cute one-tear-rolling-down-your-cheek-while-you-cuddle-your-newborn kind of crying.

I mean sitting in the bathroom and not wanting to come out.

Because outside that door was a baby I loved more than anything in the world who needed me.

And I didn't know how I was going to do this.

I was exhausted. My body hurt. My hormones were all over the place. I couldn't get my baby to latch. I didn't know how to use my pump.

And I felt like I should know.

After all—I knew babies.

But I Didn't Know This.

I didn't know how much there was to learn about pumping.

I didn't know flange sizes mattered. Actually, I didn't really know what a flange was.

I didn't know how to choose pump settings.

How long should I pump? How often? How do I know when I'm empty? How much milk should I be getting? Is this enough? What if it's not?

How do I store it? What bottle should we use? What nipple flow? And how exactly are you supposed to pump when the newborn you're pumping milk for is also crying

and wants you to hold her?

There should really be an extra set of arms included with every breast pump.

Another Piece of the Puzzle

Let’s back up… I saw my daughter had a significant tongue and lip tie while we were in the hospital. I knew this could be impacting nursing so we had them released.

And I thought: Okay. This is it. Now she's going to latch.

Except she didn't.

We tried.

But nursing never became our story.

Sometimes you can find the problem. You can address the problem. You can do everything “right.”

And things still don't turn out exactly the way you pictured them.

So I Pumped.

What started with me staring at a hospital breast pump thinking it's go time eventually became something I knew how to do.

I learned flange sizing. Pump settings. Milk storage. Bottles and nipple flows. Schedules.

I learned how to pump in the middle of the night. How to wash pump parts approximately 4,000 times.

How to pump while my baby cried. How to pump while holding my baby. How to plan my life around when I needed to pump again.

And somehow...

I exclusively pumped for a year.

A year.

If you had told the woman crying in that bathroom that she was going to do this for an entire year, I'm not sure she would have believed you.

I'm proud of her.

But I also wish she hadn't had to figure out so much of it alone.

This Is Not a Post About the “Best” Way to Feed Your Baby

I want to be really clear about this part.

This isn't a breastfeeding-is-best post.

It isn't a pumping-is-best post.

And it isn't a formula-is-best post.

It's not about choosing sides at all.

It's about figuring out what works for your baby, your body and your family—and supporting a growing, healthy baby.

For some families, that's nursing.

For some, it's exclusively pumping.

For some, it's formula. For many, it's some combination of all of the above.

And just like breastfeeding isn't one-size-fits-all, formula isn't either.

Babies can tolerate formulas differently. What works beautifully for one baby may not be the right fit for another. If you have questions about formula choice, feeding tolerance, growth or symptoms, that's a conversation to have with your baby's healthcare provider rather than feeling like you have to figure it out alone.

Your feeding plan can also change.

What works in week one may not be what works in month three.

That doesn't mean you failed.

It means you're responding to the baby and family in front of you.

The goal isn't to win at breastfeeding.

The goal is a fed, growing baby and a supported parent.

If I Could Go Back, Here's What I'd Do Before the Baby Came

Learn about breastfeeding AND pumping. Even if you fully intend to nurse, learn the basics of pumping.

Take the pump out of the box. Assemble it. Turn it on. Learn the basic settings.

Learn about flange sizing. The flange included with your pump is not automatically the right size for every body.

Have a few bottles available. You don't need 30 bottles of one brand, but having a few options can make a change in feeding plans less stressful.

Learn basic milk-storage guidance. Understand the basics of formula feeding even if formula isn't currently part of your plan.

Know who you'll call for lactation support before the baby is born.

And leave room for the plan to change.

Breastfeeding, pumping, formula and combination feeding are ways to feed a baby—not measurements of how good a mother you are.

My Experience Changed How I Care for Newborn Families

Becoming a mom didn't erase everything I knew as a pediatric provider.

But it gave me a completely different appreciation for what happens between the appointments.

When I ask a mom, “How is feeding going?” I don't just mean breast or bottle.

I want to know how it's actually going.

Does feeding hurt? Is baby latching? Are you pumping? Do you understand your pump? Are you worried about supply?

How often is baby eating? How much are they taking? What bottle and nipple flow are you using?

How are wet diapers and stools? How is baby's weight? Are you using formula, and how is baby tolerating it?

And—how are YOU doing with all of this?

Because feeding isn't happening in isolation.

It's happening while you're recovering from childbirth, sleeping in tiny increments and learning how to take care of a brand-new human.

This Is Part of the Newborn Care Experience

This is one of the reasons feeding is such an important part of the Moms & Minis Newborn Care Experience.

During an in-home newborn visit, we can look at your baby in the environment where feeding is actually happening.

Depending on your baby's individual needs, that can include weight checks, feeding assessments, breastfeeding and bottle-feeding support, pumping questions, latch and positioning, bottle and nipple flow, formula questions, wet and dirty diapers, jaundice assessment, bilirubin testing or coordination, lab ordering when medically appropriate, lactation referrals, specialist referrals and care coordination. And if you need a lactation consultant or another specialist involved, I can help you figure out that next

step. I'm not trying to replace specialized lactation careI want to help make sure you and your baby have the right support.

If You're Expecting, Here's What I Want You to Remember

Prepare for the birth. Take the pictures. Fold the tiny clothes. Research the stroller. Do all the fun things.

But spend a little time preparing for what happens after someone hands you that baby.

Learn about breastfeeding. Learn the basics of pumping. Take your pump out of the box. Learn about flange sizing.

Have a few bottles available. Understand the basics of formula feeding even if it isn't currently part of your plan. Know basic milk-storage guidelines.

Identify someone you can call for lactation support.

And most importantly, give yourself permission to change the plan.

Not because Plan A won't work.

Because feeding a newborn isn't a test you pass or fail.

Plans change. Babies have opinions. Bodies have opinions. Families have different needs.

What matters is finding a feeding plan that works for your family while supporting a healthy, growingbaby.

Expecting a Baby in Brevard County?

If you're preparing to bring your baby home and want more personalized support during those first

weeks, learn more about the Moms & Minis Newborn Care Experience.

I provide in-home newborn care for families in Brevard County, Florida, from birth through two months,

with time to actually talk about feeding, weight, jaundice and all of those questions that tend to appear

once you're home.

The Part I Still Think About

Sometimes I think about that version of me sitting in the bathroom, crying and not wanting to come out.

I wish I could open the door and tell her:

You're going to figure this out.

Not because everything is suddenly going to go according to plan.

It won't.

You're going to figure it out because you'll learn your baby.

You'll learn your body.

You'll ask for help.

You'll change the plan when you need to.

And eventually, the breast pump you don't even know how to turn on is going to become something you can practically assemble in the dark.

You're even going to make it a year.

But most of all, this experience is going to change the way you care for other new moms.

Because someday, when a mother looks at you with tears in her eyes and says:

“I don't know how I'm going to do this.”

You won't just understand the feeding plan.

You'll understand her. 🤍

Medical Disclaimer

This article shares personal experience and general educational information and is not intended to

provide individualized medical, feeding or lactation advice, diagnosis or treatment. Every baby and

family's feeding needs are different. If you have concerns about breastfeeding, pumping, formula

choice or tolerance, hydration, weight gain, jaundice or your baby's health, contact your child's

healthcare provider and, when appropriate, a qualified lactation professional. Seek urgent medical

care if your baby appears seriously ill or has concerning symptoms. For a medical emergency, call

911.